How do I even start writing about what's keeping me awake? I have been in a weird mood the last few days. You know when you find out that something bad happens of which you were indirectly a cause? Yeah, that happened to me the other day, and while I don't even know all of the circumstances surrounding it, I still feel guilty. *sigh*
Part of me wants to be apathetic, say fuck it, and just go with my instincts. The other part knows that even though I pretend like this whole situation doesn't matter, it really does. I want, in a horrible way, for someone to prove me wrong and be decent. Unfortunately, the lines regarding decency have already been blurred between us (and that was my fault, I'm afraid). What do you do when you have questions you're afraid to ask because you fear the answers? I've heard all the excuses and the fake compliments and all of that shit from someone else already. I don't know if I want to have to deal with that again. *PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH*
Anyways, I can't write vaguely about that anymore. I'm annoying myself with all of my confusion, haha. I went to my godsons' today and babysat. I can't believe that Blake is almost two! It seems like just yesterday I was holding him at 4 hours old, hah. Ryan is getting so smart! We had a great conversation about The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, the new theme park at Universal, and he taught me alot about Star Wars and what the Republic is (although I didn't really understand what he was talking about!). Speaking of, one day I need to watch those movies so I can have a respectable amount of knowledge. Knowing who Anakin turns into doesn't really count.
I really need to get some sleep. I have a bad headache. I don't work until 5:30 tomorrow, though, so at least I get to sleep in. Frustrating myself is tiring. I want to cuddle.
Goodnight, earth.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment