Lions are SO legit.

I feel the need to blog tonight!  I'm feeling so chatty.  I've had a wonderful day today and yesterday was pretty much equally amazing.  Here goes!

Yesterday I blogged quickly before I left for volunteering at the food shelf.  When I got to Rosedale to meet my ride (Michelle and her friend Justin, whom I had only met once prior to this), we took off and arrived at the church around 12:30.  Justin had an appointment to run to, so he helped out a bit and it was just Michelle and I there helping the others.  We jumped in right away and it was an amazing experience!  We helped unload palettes of food that people had donated to the ministry through the post (they mail out grocery bags that the postmen pick up and deliver to the shelter).  We had to sort out what needed to go inside (pasta, rice, beans, cereal) and what could stay outside in the storage space (cans).  Then we had to check all the dates on the things that went inside to make sure they hadn't expired.  Finally, we had to organize the items on the actual food shelves themselves and make up 40 grocery bags of food.  These grocery bags were handed out later that night to families who attended the free meal that the ministry holds every night.  It was hard work, but extremely fulfilling.  I'm hoping I can go back next Monday and either help finish unloading/sorting the palettes (there were six left to do!) or help serve the dinner.  I was so grateful for this opportunity and I truly feel that I made a difference, however slight it may have been, yesterday.

After working at the food shelf, Michelle and I hitched a ride to Sears to renew my license (I lost it at Target Field quite some time ago).  However, as our ride was driving away, we realized that Sears was closed due to power failure and we had just missed the bus.  I called Derrick and since he is such a sweetheart, he gave us a ride to Rosedale.  I figured he deserved a mention!

Today was a pretty normal day, except I got to eat lunch with a nice boy and then later on he asked me out on a date.  Ha.  I will not say who, but I'm happy about it.  Otherwise, I just worked.  Tomorrow I have a late shift, so I get to sleep in!  Hooray!  ALSO, I got to talk to Ashly, who is still in Korea!  AND I had a really good conversation with my aunt, whom I love dearly.  She had asked if I could babysit on Saturday, but, sadly, I am working a stupid shift that is from 6:00-9:30.  How silly.

LOST ended on Sunday, but I watched the finale yesterday.  I won't say anything about it other than I thought it was a beautiful end to a long journey.  "Live together, die alone."

That's about all I have to say tonight!  Nothing too exciting, but my life, nonetheless.  :)

Rawr.

An answer.

Well, I only have a few moments to write before I've gotta leave, but here goes.

I've been praying for an opportunity to make my life matter.  I was waiting (not so patiently) for an answer, until last night when I was chatting with Michelle and she invited me to go volunteer at The Cure with her.  I'm not really sure what The Cure does, except that it's a ministry, and they need help sorting food before they give it away to people in need.  Normally, since it's my day off and it would require me getting dressed before noon, I wouldn't go, but I'm totally pumped this morning, haha.  I'm super excited, cause this is the kind of stuff that I LOVE doing.  In fact, sorting and packing food was mostly what I did during the time I spent in Mississippi after Hurricane Katrina.

I'm trying hard to remember that life has to get harder before it gets better.  Mostly, I have to be patient, which is the hardest part of all of this for me.

Gotta run!  I'm hoping to grab a few photos during today and I'll post them later :D

One foot in front of the other

I've never realized what peace and bliss can come from life until I started enjoying being alone. In a world where no one stops moving, when are we supposed to breathe? Were we ever taught to enjoy entertaining ourselves? Encouraged to tolerate, and perhaps even revel in, being alone? I don't mean watching television alone, or even listening to music or reading a delightful novel, which, of course, I am not discrediting (especially the last two). Instead, just being alone with our thoughts, without a computer or a phone. Taking a moment or two or fifteen to think about ourselves and what we're really doing with our lives. During my fifteen minute break at work today, I simply went outside, sat down on the sidewalk outside the building, closed my eyes, and, despite being deeply annoyed by the noise of the cars, I thought. I thought about the world, who I am, who I've been, and who I am becoming. When I was at school, I never gave myself the opportunity to stop and just be. I didn't give my head and my heart time to even get close to catching up to each other. And where did that get me?

Here.

And I'm actually okay with that. Because now that I've discovered that I am okay with being alone, I know that I can be okay with someone else, when I find him. If I know him already, then I'm alright with that and if I don't, here's to the search and the wonderful journey I've begun.

But that's not really what this is about, although that is a huge part of what I want in life (a loving husband and children and a dog or two). It's about who I am on my own. What am I? Throughout high school, I was involved in church and school and I loved it. I miss making a difference. I'm not going to lie to myself and say that working at Herbergers is changing the world. While I acknowledge that I need time to figure out my life and decide my next move, I'm also discovering that I really miss learning and thinking and exploring. I chose to leave school because I was afraid of failing and letting everyone else down. I never thought I woud llet myself down, since the standard I was setting was low. In fact, I think my any goal was to survive. And surviving is not the same as living. I have survived through a lot of stuff, but there have been far fewer times where I have truly lived. All of the moments that come to mind include the people I love the most, those that have been there for me through the thick and the thin. They know who they are and I thank them for being there for me through it all.

But I'm ready to let go of everything. I want a new start. I think I'm finally ready. No longer will I allow fear to run my life.

So push me off a cliff and watch me soar. Because if you believe, you can achieve.

And I believe in me.

Toda la vida.

So the last few days with my family (HA) have been somewhat interesting.  I'm just going to start out with that statement.  My brother seems to think it's appropriate to bring his friends into my room and play my playstation without my permission.  My mother, as soon as she arrives home and no later than saying hello, calls my outfit "ugly" and then proceeds to eat the dinner I cooked for her, while continuing to criticize how I look.  Wow, I love living here.  I cried a bit today, because I feel like every time I try to do something nice (like cook dinner for my mom when she gets home or offer my brother cookies without waiting for him to apologize for making my room his personal hang-out space), everyone gets pissed at me.  Because now, my mom is mad at me and my brother isn't speaking to me.  That doesn't really make sense.  Perhaps I need some lessons in logic?  I'm thinking not, actually.  I'm thinking I *really* need to get out of this house.

Alright, I'm done with that rant.  I just had to get it out.  Life has been mostly uneventful, except for a few SECRET events (I would tell you, but then I'd have to kill you).  And the little things that have been happening outside of my home make up for this lousy "family."  Otherwise, I'm still just working away, attempting to make some sort of dent in all of my bills.  I was offered a third job at Alex and Allie, a small children's clothing shop, and I was all set to work, but then I found out that I was only going to get about 8 hours a week.  Therefore, I ended up turning the offer down, since it wouldn't make it worth it to change my availability at Herberger's and risk losing hours there.  It's somewhat a relief to not have three jobs.  On the other hand, I really do need some more income.  I don't know what I'm going to do when I have to start paying my loans in addition to the remainder of my tuition.

Some other things of note that have occurred since I last wrote:
1) I FINALLY SAW MEGAN!  We went to see Babies (which is truly a wonderful film) and then she slept over at my house.  While I was quite tired the next day, I was still super excited for the next event on this list.
2) SLEEPOVER AT ANDREW'S!  Andrew came home for the weekend and we stayed up all night last Saturday and played Call of Duty and drank some Mighty Arrow (don't even ask).  I was also attacked by a werewolf.  No joke here, I have the wound to prove it.
3) HUNG OUT WITH A PERSON I QUITE ENJOY!
4) COOKIES WITH ELIZABETH AND EMMA!  Although, this cookie baking was more like I baked the cookies while Emma creeped on the computer and Liz kept trying to talk to people on my computer (although Liz at least *did* add one stick of butter).
5) I ordered my bridesmaid dress.  My bank account is weeping.
6) My computer is back!  Best Buy stole it a bit ago and it appears to be working correctly.  However, I'm sure it will break again soon enough and I will find that they didn't ever actually fix the problem they set out to fix in the first place.
7) I'm on the 6th Harry Potter.  I am dreading the 7th.
8) About half an hour ago, I realized I was missing LOST.  And then I realized, with great distress, that I didn't really care all that much.  This is scary to me.
9) I need to sing.  LOUDLY.  But I can't, because the people that I live with are home.
10) The end.  CAPS LOCK.

Some photos from cookie baking:

Emma creeping.

Liz caught this gem of me.  I am going to look sweet pregnant, haha.

Liz is bored.

Bite-sized goodness :)

Will somebody show us the way?

I've decided to write tonight, even though I'm not really sure what I want to write about.  I've been avoiding the blog because a lot has happened in the last two weeks or so.  I'll begin with Cloud Cult weekend.

I liked Cloud Cult before I had heard them live.  I would have even have said they were in my top ten bands.  Now I appreciate their music on a level that I didn't even think was possible.  Megan and I saved a spot just a few rows from the stage and we jumped and spaz danced SO MUCH.  One of my favorite moments in the concert was when they sang "Love You All."  Everyone in the crowd put their arms around each other and swayed and sang along to the simple, yet riveting and passionate lyrics: "I love my mother.  I love my father.  When it's my time to go, I need you to know: I love you all."  Megan and I both teared up.  I don't think I'll ever have that type of concert experience again.  It was amazing.

AND of course, that weekend was so exciting as well.  I got to see Megan for the first time in two months!  Some highlights: blowing bubbles in front of the cafeteria/campus center, taking a billion photos, finding Winston Churchill (my fake bird friend), setting off the fire alarm while blowdrying my hair, and falling out of Ellie's loft, haha.  I needed to get away from my house and work and be a kid for a weekend.  It truly was wonderful.

Then I got back home and continued working away.  I've been hired now at Target Field as a concession worker and at Alex and Allie, a small business in the mall that sells children's clothing, as a sales associate.  My job count is up to three.  I'm hoping to keep it at that number.

I've really been struggling these last few days.  I am being hit with a lot of big realizations.  It's too much to write them all on here, but let's just say it's definitely a good thing that I am finally getting time to figure things out.  Andrew even said he was proud of me today and that rarely occurs.  It comforts me just knowing that I'm making him proud :)

One thing I've gotta be honest about.  I miss learning.  I miss people my age.  I miss late night Erbs and Gerbs.  But I'll be alright.  I've always been alright and I will be now.

The worst thing in life is to miss someone horribly and to wonder if they're missing you as much as you miss them.  But the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.  I guess maybe the love makes up for the missing.  Maybe.

And I'm ending the blog on this morose note, as I have nothing else to say.  I'm making some tea and cuddling up with my boy Harry Potter.  I really need a dog to love.