I have nothing new to say, but I'm writing? Who the f cares.

I had a dream about having a family with someone and we had two kids and my son and my husband had matching blue onesies with rocketships all over them.

What do you do when you truly believe that you loved (love) someone and they're gone?

and you feel ignored.

I love my best friend for being there when I need him most, even if he thinks I'm taking the hard way with moving out.

And nothing is new.

One Day at a Time

I love Enrique!!!!

Here's what's been going in my life!  I started my job at Cub last week and I actually quite enjoy it.  I move in 5 days and my parents have been gone all weekend camping, which has been awesome.

Ashly, Liz, and I had a rock band party.  This is no way relates to us playing, but it was that night.

Chips and salsa.  HMMMMMMMMMMMM.

I have to use a box cutter for work.  This makes me apprehensive.

SUMMER.

I got really bored of waiting for Liz and Ashly to get to my house TODAY.

THEN THEY FINALLY ARRIVED!

The end.  I have to work at the herb and at Cub tonight.  Oh my.

BREATHE.

I only have 10 days before I move and, boy, am I busy!  I don't know when my next day off will be and I have so much to do!  I actually wrote "SLEEP!" on my to-do list, hah!

There are some things that are bothering me, but I am attempting to be chill.  Everyone that knows me also knows that I don't like to not be in control and that lending the leadership over to someone else is very hard for me.  However, putting my leadership aside in some aspects of my life may be a better decision for me at this point.  Not dwelling on things and becoming more patient are just a few of my goals.

I've also been thinking a lot about being broken lately.  A friend of mine and I talked about this quite awhile ago, but I don't think I was really listening that day, haha.  I was being selfish and I had other things on my mind.  Anyway, this friend is now going through something, and I have no idea what, but it reminded me of what he told me about being broken.  People have to be broken before they can be put back together again.  How true is that!  Our lives are giant puzzles - mysteries, really - and puzzles definitely can't put themselves back together.  There has to be someone who can look at the big picture and fix it piece by piece.  And isn't that what God promises for us?  That He'll be that person who can see our whole lives and He'll put us back together when we're broken.  How amazing!  I'm doing my best to just pray about everything and that He'll give me the strength to give all of my burdens to Him.  It's worthless trying to carry it all by myself - I know I can't do that, anyhow!

Another friend of mine is also going through something similar to what I went through last year.  I'm happy that I can be there for him, even if he just needs to vent about how he's feeling.  It makes me feel like it was all worth something.

It really does hurt to love, but it's all worth it.

I think this is the only book my mom has ever read

And here's me taking creepy pictures with it, because it's hilarious and my bro and I make fun of her all the time for owning this.

How enjoyable.

Sunny with a High of 75

Hola to everyone on this wonderful day.

Not much is happening with me, other than being reminiscent about the past and attempting to be optimistic about the future.  I am moving in 18 days.  There is so much that will change and I am ready to face all of it.  Who knows what will happen.  I am excited for everything that is going to happen.  Speaking of which, I need to continue packing, hah!!
I am currently chilling with my buddy Emma, or, as I sometimes like to call her, E.  E and I went swimming earlier, but the pool was so cold!  We are now just hanging out, sipping coffee.  I'll probably start to knit a scarf or something while I'm here.  Gotta start preparing for winter, you know!  It will sneak up on us faster than we know.

Another kiss today?  No one knows what's going on there.  But I'm hoping to see him again later today.

E and I are baking brownies!  What a fabulous life we lead.

Goodnight, moon

I have had a wonderful day.  I was woken up this morning by my future landlord saying that I have been officially accepted at the apartments.  I went to Oliver!, the musical, at Como.  I now have so much happy energy that I've spent the last hour and a half just jamming to my new playlist called "Slam that SUMMER."

Story of me having too much energy and not anything to do:

Really happy about my favorite cookbook.

I read it for fun.

Sometimes it gets really intense.

But we love each other still.

Taking a break to dance to the BIEBS.  LOVE HIM.

Coupon cutting.  YES.

I love being a dork.

And I miss China.

THE END.

But not really.  HAHAH.  I am really...  wanting...  something that I'm not going to say outright.  But.  I kind of like this boy's company.  HA.

I WISH WE WERE OLDER

I stole this from Michelle because I am SOOOOOOOOOOO bored.


A - Age: 19 
B - Bed size: SOON TO BE FULL.  Thank goodness.
C - Chore you hate: Rinsing off dishes.  I don't know why that's gross to me, since it's food that I've been eating.  It just...  ew.
D - Dog's name: I don't have a dog :(  But my favorite dogs are Zelda and Maggie!
E - Essential to start your day: A really loud alarm clock.
F - Favorite color: GREEN
G - Gold or Silver: Depends?
H - Height: 5' 6"
I - Instruments you play(ed): Piano, clarinet, guitar
J - Job title(s): Sales Associate, Parking Attendant, Cashier, and I am about to be a stocker (HA) at Cub
K - Kid(s): YES, PLEASE.  I love them so much.
L - Living arrangements: I'm living at my parents' house right now, but in less than a month, I'll be living with my friend Michelle at our apartment!
M - Mom's name: Pam or Ma.
N - Nicknames: Kate, Katie (EW), Katiecake, Katrina, Katydid, Katarina, Cake
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Hasn't ever happened to me
P - Pet Peeve: Things that are spelled incorrectly.  Bad grammar (this quiz doesn't count).  Being late.  People who make plans and then flake out.
Q - Quote from a movie: "If you build it, they will come..."
R - Right or left handed: Right
S - Siblings: My bee row!
T - Time you wake up: Depends on the day and if I have plans, haha!
U- Underwear: What about underwear?  I like wearing it?  Question mark?  I've never gone commando other than around my house in sweats.  I don't know what this is asking.
V - Vegetable you dislike: Peas!!!  SO DISGUSTING.
W - Ways you run late: Turning off my alarm in my sleep or counting wrong when I wake up in the morning.  I do lots of math in the morning.
X - X-rays you've had: Jaw, stomach, elbow, teeth (at the dentist/ortho, you know)
Y- Yummy food you make: CHICKEN IN A SLOW COOKER.  Caramels.  A lot of other things.
Z - Zoo favorite: Polar bears!!


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My life according to...
Pick Your Artist:
Bright Eyes

Are you a male or female?
Emily, Sing Something Sweet

Describe yourself:
Let's Not Shit Ourselves (To Love and Be Loved)

How do you feel:
Waste of Paint

Describe where you currently live:
At the Very Bottom of Everything

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
On My Way to Work

Your favorite form of transportation:
Ship in a Bottle

Your best friends are:
Tereza and Tomas

Your favorite color is:
True Blue (It's actually green.  HA.)

What's the weather like:
The Awful Sweetness of Escaping Sweat

Favorite time of day:
A Few Minutes on Friday

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
The "Feel Good" Revolution

What is life to you:
A Song to Pass the Time

Your relationships:
No Lies, Just Love

Your fear:
I Won't Ever Be Happy Again

What is the best advice you have to give:
Make a Plan to Love Me

If you could change your name, you would change it to:
Arienette

How I would like to die:
Oh, You Are the Roots that Sleep Beneath My Feet

My soul's present condition:
Going for the Gold

My motto:
First Day of My Life


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


1. Last beverage→ Limeade
2. Last phone call→ Gob
3. Last text message→ Liz
4. Last song you listened to→ The Show by Lenka
5. Last time you cried→ Last week?
SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Dated someone twice → Yes
2. Been cheated on ? Not that I know of
3. Kissed someone & regretted it? Yes
4. Lost someone special?→ Yes
5. Been depressed?→ Yes
6. Been drunk and threw up? Yes

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
1. Green
2. Blue
3. Purple
4. Yellow

HAVE YOU:
1. Made new friends → Yes
2. Fallen out of love → No?
3. Laughed until you cried → YES
4. Met someone who changed you → Yep.
5. Found out who your true friends were → Constantly reminded :)
6. Found out someone was talking about you -> Yep
7. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ HAHAH.  Yes.
8. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → Most of them.
9. How many kids do you want to have→ 4-6
10. Do you have any pets → NO :(
11. Do you want to change your name→ Not really
12. What did you do for your last birthday→ Tipsy Apples to Apples and watched The Lion King.
13. What time did you wake up today → 9:30
14. What were you doing at midnight last night: I think I was reading.
15. Name something you CANNOT wait for → I'm not going to answer this, since it will probably never happen.
16. Last time you saw your father→ Today
17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? I wish I could eat ice cream for every meal and not get fat.
18. What are you listening to right now → "Tonight I Have to Leave It" by Shout Out Louds
19. Have you ever talked to a person named Terry → I don't think so
23. What's getting on your nerves right now? → Flakes
24. Most visited webpage → Facebook and my email

1. What's your name→ Kate
2. Nicknames→ (I already answered this)
3. Relationship Status → Single
4. Zodiac sign - Scorpio
5. Male or female or transgendered → GIRL! :D
6. Elementary--> CLS
7. Middle School → ?
8. High school → CA
10. Hair color → Light brown
11. Long or short → Long
16. Height → GAH.
17. Do you have a crush on someone? Yep.
18: What do you like about yourself? → Everything!  :D
19. Piercings → 5
20. Tattoos → One!
21. Righty or lefty → Righty TIGHTY

FIRSTS :
22. First surgery → Haven't had one
23. First piercing → Ears
24. First best friends → Gretchen
26. First sport you joined → Basketball
27. First pet → My fish!
28. First vacation→ Don't remember.  Duluth?
29. First concert → Don't remember.
30. First crush → SAM.

RIGHT NOW:
49. Eating → Nothing.
50. Drinking --> Nothing.
52. I'm about to → Scratch my foot.
53. Listening to → "Girls and Boys" by Good Charlotte
55. Waiting for--> Someone to chill with

YOUR FUTURE :
58. Want kids? YES YES YES YES
59. Want to get married? YES YES YES
60. Careers in mind? YES YES YES YES YES

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
68. Lips or eyes → EYES
69. Hugs or kisses → Kisses :)
70. Shorter or taller → TALLER
71. Older or Younger → Always older
72. Romantic or spontaneous → BOTH
73. Nice stomach or nice arms → Hahah, well.  Arms?
74. Sensitive or loud → In the middle.
75. Hookup or relationship? Relationship.

HAVE YOU EVER :
78. Kissed a stranger → Define stranger?
80. Lost glasses/contacts → Yep
81. Kiss on first date → Kind of?
82. Broken someone's heart → Yes.
83. Had your own heart broken → Yes
85. Been arrested → ALMOST.  SCARY.
86. Turned someone down → Yes
87. Cried when someone died → Yes
88. Liked a friend that is a boy? → HAHAH yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself → Yes
90. Miracles → Yes
91. Love at first sight → Yes
92. Heaven → YES
93. Santa Clause → UM WHAT?!?!?
95. Kiss on the first date? → Depends on the date ;)
96. Angels →Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yes
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? NO!!!!

Brownies and a slow cooker!

Today was quite an adventure in cooking!

I had the day off, so I decided to get up and test out my slow cooker that I have inherited from my grandma.  I had to skin a whole chicken, which I've never done before.  Let me tell you, cutting through that slimy skin is extremely difficult when your knives will barely cut through anything!  I conquered that chicken!  I put it the slow cooker and set out to wait the long five fours.  Over those hours, I added some carrots, potatoes, and fresh rosemary, which filled the whole kitchen with such a divine smell!  It was hard not to eat it before it was done, haha.  To satisfy my hunger for something delicious, I decided to bake brownies.  Anna sent me a recipe awhile ago that we have used before, but she forgot to put down how much cocoa to add!  Of course I had already started mixing up the batter, so I just guessed at the right amount.  They are much more chocolately than normal, but still delectable.

While the chicken was still cooking, one of my friends stopped by so I could upload some music to his new iPod.  We had a good time hanging out, but he tried to get me to dance with him...  This will never happen, especially since I bet him five dollars and I can't afford to just lose that money!

FINALLY after he left, I was able to eat my chicken.  Now, I'm not bragging or anything, but this chicken was SO GOOD.  I actually want to eat some more right now!

I was going to go to the Walker Art Center tonight, but that plan fell through, so here I am.  My bee row is off to the doctor and I'm bored.  However, I do have something to celebrate!  I got hired at Cub at the original offer and I'll be making at least 471 a month there and that's with taxes taken out!  Yes, I spent time doing that math.  Therefore, I'll be making that amount plus my Herberger's check.  I plan on staying at Herberger's for a little while so I can get ahead in my finances.  I'll also have my paycheck from the State Fair this year which will amount to around 600 or 700 dollars!  I'm so proud.  :D

Now to get that one boy.  HA.  It's still my goal.  That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Limeade

I made limeade today with the limes I bought from the farmer's market!  It is delicious and contains the perfect blend of sweet and sour.  I hesitate to use the word "bittersweet," since it's not really bitter, but I added fresh mint leaves to mine, so the word works in this circumstance.

Tonight I just had to escape from the house.  It's hard not to feel trapped at times, when my parents are constantly breathing down my neck whenever I'm in their presence.  I decided to walk to the library.  This turned into quite the trip.  I encountered a dead bunny (Hurray!  One less demon in the world!), walked past my great-grandparents former house which smelled unmistakably like weed, looked around the high school my grandma and grandpa attended, and finally arrived at the Rice Street Library, only to find out the website's hours were wrong and it had closed 15 minutes before my arrival.  Even though I was greatly disappointed, I took the time while I was walking back home to think about how many memories I have of this neighborhood itself.

Before I lived in my parents' house, the house belonged to my grandparents.  As a young girl of only nine, I was terrified to leave the only house I truly remembered and the only one I have ever loved: the Andover house.  I had good friends, there was a park nearby, and I knew how to walk to Bill's, a local gas station, and to the library!  I didn't want to leave behind the tree house I had spent weeks building with my dad.  Where would I run away to when I didn't want to be with my mom and dad?  When my family first moved into the St. Paul house, my grandparents were still living with us.  Perhaps, it was us boarding with them.  I'm not sure.  My family of four stayed in what is my room now, while my grandparents ruled the entire upstairs and we had to live by their rules.  When they finally moved out, it was as if a strange finality had come over my parents.  The house was ours.  My parents began construction on the basement.  They changed everything they could about the house: the paint colors, the floors, the placement of the walls, the duct work, the makeup of the ceiling.  After a few years, it looked completely different than when we had first moved in.

During these years in St. Paul, I have made wonderful friends.  Anna, Derrick, Liz, KP, Dinnah, Ashly, Emma, and everyone else that's been in the gang over the years.  I remember meeting Ashly and teaming up with her to "rebel" against our summer camp leaders by acting crazy.  She then introduced me to Dinnah and Kaila O. at VBS, and Amber on my first day at my new school, CLS.  Ashly was the catalyst for me and the friends I have now and I have her to thank for helping shape the crazy me today.

I started to visit Dave and Jamie in Winona in the summers.  I would stay for a few weeks at a time, and they would teach me how to cook, clean, and water plants (ha!  There is a story behind this, but I'm not going to tell it!).  More importantly, they taught me how to be a good parent, while still being able to be their friend.  I have always admired their willingness to listen to me and their openness and honesty upon telling me how wrong I was (am!).  After my weeks with them, it became increasingly hard to return home, even though my friends were there.

I went through high school at CA.  I was a good student, involved and eager, but ready to make a name for myself.  I left for Gustavus and loved it.  Unfortunately, my parents didn't.  The next year, Concordia it was, and I was miserable, to say the least.  And now I am here, back in the place I was 10 years ago.  Not knowing where I'm going to, who I'm going to meet, or what new memories I will have.  I am still scared of leaving the things I am familiar with behind - the park that I have spent so many days in (and kissed boys in!), the market a few blocks away, Connie's Creamy Cone.  There are a few differences, though.  I know that I'll be able to easily keep in touch with my friends.  I'm not changing schools, or, in this case, jobs (yet).  Finally, I'm moving into a place that I'm hoping I will be able to call my own.

That's all I have for now.  I hope this post wasn't too boring for you.  :)

Blame it on the changes

Oh, what to say about yesterday other than it was, quite frankly, wonderful!  I went strawberry and blueberry picking in the morning and then headed over to Emma's in the evening for a chill night.  Josh was there as well!  We went swimming, got creeped on, promptly RAN away from the pool, took a walk, and ended up at Old Chicago.  We grabbed some eats (meaning...  we all shared mozzarella sticks, fries, and a GIANT cookie with ice cream), headed back to E's, and watched Pleasantville.

Favorite quote of the night: "I think it's, like, a good day to socialize outside..." - Emma

Today Emma and I are headed off to the MPLS farmer's market!  I remember going there as a kid with my dad and begging for the flavored honey packets that were only 15 cents. I'm excited to try the cinnamon one again - that particular flavor was my favorite!  Then I'll be off to work at 4 and work until closing.

I have July 4th off by nothing sort of a miracle.  I didn't even ask for it!  I'm not sure how it happened, but I'm going to take that day to run around with my bee row and friends.  It should be a fun time.

Finally, everyone should take a moment (or three or five) to appreciate Dashboard Confessional.  Before my iTunes play count was reset, they were in my top 25 most played and I have just rediscovered them.  I can't believe it's been so long since I've listened.

"My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy?!
My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury,
Or wear as jewelry, whichever you prefer!
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember!
Always remember the sound of the stereo,
The dim of the soft lights,
The scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers,
And the time on the clock when we realized it's so late,
And this walk that we shared together!
The streets were wet and the gate was locked,
So I jumped it and let you in!
And you kissed me like you meant it!
And I knew that you meant it,
That you meant it, that you meant it.
I knew that you meant it, that you meant it."


[Hands Down, Dashboard Confessional]

Sometimes you learn from experience.

And during some of those experiences, you look like a bloody idiot.

Here's what I learned.  I need to buy a Jump to Conclusions mat, because apparently that's what I need to do.  I really need to work on trusting people.

That's all I'm going to say about this anymore.

YOU MAKE ME FEEL (LIKE A NATURAL WOMAN)

It has definitely been a Prince, Michael Jackson, and Aretha type of day.

After getting about an hour and a half of sleep, I woke up and headed off to work.  Pointless three hour shift, but I need the monies!  I then called up Derrick and he agreed to give me a ride out to Equinox and my interview.  What a sweet man!!  I am glad there is at least one man in my life who proves to me that chivalry still exists.  The interview at Cub went great - now to just pass the drug test, which I took this afternoon!  I have never been asked to do that before.  I sort of felt gross.  Oh, well, it's over now.  Basically if I pass the test, I have the job.  Let's all pray that happens, shall we?  Thanks.  :)

I also talked to the landlord at Equinox and I'm unofficially accepted!  So no more worrying about that!  Therefore, after finally getting home around 7, I started to pack.  I was going to begin with my books, but I decided to work on the kitchen stuff first, since I definitely will not need any of that while living at home for these last 30 days (hopefully less!).  Man, do I have have a LOT of kitchen things!  On top of my microwave and coffee maker, I also have a slow cooker, a sandwich maker, a stock pot with a strainer, a spritz/cookie gun, and two kettles (one ceramic and one metal, both white).  I ALSO have about a thousand pieces of tupperware and tonight I inherited my grandmother's skillets from around 1970s era.  They are so retro.  I love it.

Basically my room is in shambles with various kitchen things scattered everywhere and I have ink all over my hands from putting dishes in newspaper.  But it's all good, because I am so happy that everything seems to be working out (PLEASE LET ME PASS THE TEST!!!!!!!!).

Tomorrow I've got the day off, so I'm going strawberry picking (which I hate, but I'm still going).  Then I plan on laying outside and getting tan and NOT burned (hopefully).

I'm currently chatting with the un-chivalrous lying boy.  I want to kick him in the balls, so this entry just took a turn for the worse.

The end.

I know that it is freezing, but I think we have to walk

I am going to begin this entry with a quote from the novel Forrest Gump by Winston Groom, which I have just now completed.
"'You know, Forrest,'" she say, 'I even tried to fall in love with him, but I jus couldn't because I was thinkin of you.'" [sic]
What truth in this statement.  I can't remember the film very well, as I have never particularly enjoyed it, so I don't know if Jenny and Forrest end up together in the end in the movie.  In the novel, though, the ending is so wonderful, since it is one of the bittersweet endings I love.  Jenny gets married and has little Forrest (which I *do* remember from the movie), and Forrest and Jenny do not end up together!  While I was sad for Forrest, he ended up traveling the country with his ape Sue and he was happy.  Now that I've spoiled the ending, I would definitely recommend this book.  While it was slightly long-winded during selected sections, other parts were simply hilarious and the plot in general is enough to keep anyone reading.

Look at me all classy at 4 in the morning.  Shocking that some kind of coffee isn't featured in this photo.  Don't be too surprised at this - totally drank Cherry Coke at 1, haha.  That is most likely the cause of my still being awake.

Here's some things I was thinking about today:

I am not perfect, but I am trying my best to do the following:
Be honest.

Be open.

Be tolerant of others.

Be ready for change.

Be ready TO change.

Be loving.

As soon as I am officially accepted at the apartment place, I know I will be starting a brand new chapter in my life.  While I do not want to leave some parts behind, I have accepted that I must do so.  I started wrapping up my dishes in newspaper yesterday.  It's all beginning to feel real: the fact that I'm finally getting my own place and that I'm about to be free from the tyranny of my parents (okay, maybe not tyranny, but I will absolutely be escaping their home).

I hung out with Michelle earlier!  We were at the apartment, soon-to-be my apartment as well, and it was fun to be planning out my room and such.  I have no idea how I'm going to decorate, but that will all be figured out in time.  It was also our first Anti-Feminist group meeting!  Basically, members of the Anti-Feminist group believe the following:

1) Women were meant to cook, clean, and have babies, not work

2) If a woman wants to work, they are free to do so and members will not look down upon the "working woman," since many are forced to work anyway.

3) Men should be the breadwinners in the family, so women may complete their duties within the home!

4) Men seem to expect too much of women and believe that women can both work in the home and outside it.  While women can accomplish this, since they are great multi-taskers and all, they should not have to work if they do not want to.

5) Therefore, men need to take responsibility and start working harder.  They make twice what women make and still women are forced to work!  Where is the justice!?

6) Women should be available to make delicious sandwiches for their men at all times.

The mission statement is still under construction, but those are the basic beliefs of the Anti-Feminist group. :)

I have a lot to do tomorrow - or, I guess, in a few hours.  :/  I have to leave the house at 8:15, work from 9:15 to 12:15 (what a waste of money to get out there for this wimpy shift), run over to Silver Lake to have my interview for Cub at 2, drop off some information at Equinox (the apartment place) after, and then ride the bus back home, which will take about an hour.  So running from 8:15 to 4 on this amount of sleep?  Probably not a good idea, but I can't help it.  Sometimes my mind runs a mile a minute and it is currently running way faster than that!

It's my good friend's 20th birthday today.  I wish him all the best and I hope to see him soon.

I need to try to sleep for 2 hours...  :/