Isn't this a wonderful life? = THIS IS A WONDERFUL LIFE!

Here I go again.  I neglect this blog way too much.

Over the years, I have learned to [attempt to] focus on the things I have gained, instead of the things I have lost.  The last few weeks have been challenging, invigorating, exciting, thrilling, and, most of all, scary.  I am trying to love every second.

I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I love very much.  I can't believe I'm saying this, admitting it to everyone who might click on this out of interest, or probably more accurately, boredom.  Everything about us feels different.  I can't explain why or how any of this happened, but I believe that I took the job at Cub for a reason (and, for risk of being "warned" by my employer: I never thought anything good would come of that!).  If I didn't apply there at three in the morning on that day, I might not have gotten the job and might not have met Lam.  I'm glad I did (even though the job itself sucks, hah).

Enough with the sappy.  I feel myself moving forward in a way I haven't in a long time.  Objects seem like they are in technicolor and I can't stop looking.  A child's laugh is the most beautiful thing in the world.  A simple taste, a touch.  I don't want to miss anything.  I can't remember a time when I was this happy and, maybe, this carefree.  Sure, I have my days (and, yes, Lam has seen them, hahah) and I have my worries, but I'm doing my best to trust that they will dissolve in time.

I'm surprised to say this: I deserve better than I have always believed.  I used to settle for what was given to me.  Sometimes I even fought for something mediocre, not thinking I could ever make it to something better.  I have been so afraid to fail and to fall.  Maybe it's okay to do those things, because you learn from them.  If I embrace every experience I have, how I could I ever go wrong?

Random things:
1) I hung out with Liz today!  I have been missing her alot.  We went to Tea Garden and we both purchased chai lattes - hers, almond; mine, vanilla.  Delicious, in a word.  We also grabbed some sandwiches and chowed at my house.  I haven't been here in awhile, and it's been weird being home for the last day, but hanging out with Liz helped chill me out (and the tea).  Liz - if you're reading this, please notice how I have "incorporated" quotes and the letters "ing."  I'm "thinking" about you, girl!

2) It's less than a month until my 20th birthday.  I know this isn't normally a big birthday, but I'm excited to finally leave my teenage years behind.  For awhile now, I've been feeling pretty adult-ish anyway, so it'll be nice not to be a "teenager" anymore.

3) Halloween!  I need ideas for my costume.  I want to be sexy, but NOT slutty.  I have a few ideas, but none are really sticking out.  Anna?  HELP.  PLEASE.

4) I'm considering going back to being a vegetarian, but I'm not sure yet.

5) I need to put deodorant on.

6) I'm secretly wishing that I'm going to get a knock on my window soon.  That's not even a secret now.  Secret secrets are no fun, you know.

7) I love last.fm.  Sometimes it screws up, though.  I know for a fact that some of my play counts are pretty off, and that makes me a little mad.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE accurate play counts.  Link to my profile?  Yes, please: http://www.last.fm/user/bmanatee.

8) Everyone knows I can't end a list without rounding off the number nicely.  I'm hoping to get a job as a CNA.  I'll also be looking at receptionist, data entry, phone representative, and such.  Officially starting [again] today.

9) I love the movie District 9.

10) Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.  That is my feeling right now.  Cooler than marbles.

And that's some real conversation for your ass.